Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Holy sore nipples Batman
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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