I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
