Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
