Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
