If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
