dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
