ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
