Apparently you make a good broom.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
