yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
