the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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