If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Farmville is her only friend.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
