I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
