I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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