If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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