Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
