Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
