Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
