if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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