help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
