Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
