Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
what the fuck happened to the tacos
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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