Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
