god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
