I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
