why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
