If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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