Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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