i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She told me I should be a condom model.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
