Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
