FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
