Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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