just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
this hospital has no fireball
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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