Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
