based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think I sprained my soul last night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
