is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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