I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
