did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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