Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Randomize
