i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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