I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
