Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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