the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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