Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
