Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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