Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
