Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
