well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
