you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
