he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
