kristin has been a bad kristin
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
