i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
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Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.