The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
