Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.