Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
