We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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