I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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