Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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