just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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