u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
