There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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