I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
