there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
