i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
