I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
