I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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