only if we run a train.
done.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
pop tarts are not kleenex
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We have started to decorate penises.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
