His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
