Your face is a jimmy john
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
