there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
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You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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