I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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