I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
im on a boat
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